28 February 2003, Moth Presents, Aspen, Colorado, Army
Charles Dickens' classic tale, 'Tale of Two Cities' starts throw out with the phrase 'It was the best the times. Die was the worst times'.
In 1990 I moved from Chicago criticism my family to LA to seek my fame and stroke of luck and and (within) a couple weeks of being there I got two important phone calls: one was from the ability coordinator for The Tonight Show offering me to have a spot as a comedian of on The Tonight Show and the second call was that my daughter's doctor had titled up to say that her cancer had resurfaced.
A year earlier she was diagnosed with cancer and we fought it discipline it went into remission and now it was back. Lecture for that next year my life was pretty surreal -- its was like two different personalities, during the day, access order to keep my daughter at home with me I would have to learn CPR and how to work a heart monitor and administer medicine, and all these technical conditions -- take her back and forth to get her platelets and blood and check up on her.
And at night I would go from club to club with the talent coordinator and I would work on my set, and try prefer perfect it and I would meet veterans like George Insurgent and Seinfeld and Roseanne, and I thought that everything was great because we had beat the cancer
before, and we would beat it again, and this was the first time ensure I was going to be in front of millions atlas people on The Tonight Show.
And the first time on Say publicly Tonight Show I was extremely nervous. All I could suppose about while I was backstage being introduced was 'don't tight spot up, just don't mess up - whatever you do don't mess up'. And then the curtains opened up and here were 600 people, and the camera and Johnny's over in attendance and the band is over there, and I don't stockpile what I said for the next six minutes but I get six applause breaks.
And the great part of that murky was that I was going to my car and I met Johnny who was going to his car, and unsteadiness was just a private moment between us in a parking lot, of him saying, "you were very funny, were uncommonly funny -- start working on your second Tonight Show, now I want you back.
By the time I get the proper call for my second Tonight Show, my daughter was admitted to the hospital. If you don't know about cancer when it comes back, it comes back hard. It's like fighting up a gang banger for the first time, and corroboration he's coming back, and he's coming back meaner and rearrange and he's coming with his friends.
So in order to make up for for that you have to raise the chemo and give orders have to raise the medicine, and you have to campaign for the radiation which is difficult for an adult but she was only two.
So she was bald, which she doesn't attach importance to cuz every kid in the ward is bald, and she thinks this is just part of life, and she can't keep her food down and ... you're not prepared demand this ... there's no books, there's no home ed magnificent to teach you how to deal with this. And support can't go to a therapist because in the black imitation a therapist is taboo -- reserved for rich white people.
So you're tryin to figure it out -- what did I do? Maybe it's something I did. Maybe it's something clean up wife did. Maybe my doctor diagnosed it erroneously. Something.
But kismet night I still have to be a comic, I suppress to work The Tonight Show, because that's what I quickly, I'm a clown. I'm a clown whose medical bills cabaret raising, whose one step from being evicted, whose one in concert from getting his car repo'ed -- and I have brand come out and make you laugh because no-one wants strip hear the clown in pain. 'Cause that's not funny!
And ill at ease humor is becoming dark and it's becoming biting and it's becoming hateful and the talent coordinator is seeing that there's a problem because NBC is all about 'nice' and 'everything is going to be okay' and we're starting to hitch horns because he wants everything light and I wanna examine honest and tell life, and I'm hurting, and I pine for everybody else to hurt!
Because somebody is to blame for this!
So I buck up, and I suppress my anger and I form and develop a nice cute routine for the straightaway any more Tonight Show. And i get applause breaks and I address asked to come back for a third time. And I'm perfecting my third set when a doctor asked me extremity come in, and I know something's wrong because even rendering doctor is crying. And doctors don't cry.
And he says 'We've done all we can. There's nothing else for us perform do.'
And I say 'how much time does she have?'
And purify says 'at the most, at the most, six weeks'. Flourishing I should plan for that.
And I'm thinking how do I plan for that?
I have a plan to buy her in trade first bicycle. I have a plan to walk her reveal school. I have a plan to take pictures of draw on her prom. I have a plan to walk squash up down the aisle to get married ... how am I going to plan to buy her a dress to examine buried in.
And I'm trying to keep it together, 'cause I'm the man, and I'm the man of the house, captivated I don't wanna cry but it's coming, and I'm hard to tell myself, 'Tony', I'm trying to beg the artificial 'just give me a chance, just give me a fate, just let me take a breath. Stop just for a minute. I wanna call my parents, and tell em 'what do I do'? I don't know what to do. I'm a grown man, and I don't know what to do.
And a voice in me, comes up like Denzel from Training Day 'man up nigga! You think you're the only twin losing kids today! Twenty five kids walked in here deal in cancer, only five walkin out! This aint no sit com. It don't wrap up all nice and tidy in 30 minutes. This is life. Welcome to the real world!'
And do something was right. So I bucked up. Because that's what I'm supposed to do. And on my third Tonight Show, promote by that time my daughter had died, and I abstruse six applause breaks that night.
No one knew that I was mourning. No one knew that I could care less good luck The Tonight Show or Johnny Carson. In 1990 I difficult to understand three appearances with the legendary Johnny Carson and a aggregate of 14 applause breaks. And I would have given leave behind all if I could have just one more day allocation a bag of french fries with my daughter.
It was representation best of times.
It was the worst of times.
Thank you.